Monday, 7 December 2009

Blackadder lives

So, last night I dreamt I was boinking Rowan Atkinson. Nuff said
Though I should add that it was at least not in his incarnation as Mr Bean. Phew, I might have had to worry about myself otherwise!

Sunday, 29 November 2009

Just Desserts

Last night's dream was tastebud tingling, mmmmmmmm.

So, I was working at some crappy job or other when I looked out my window and saw that my mum had opened up a shop called 'Just Desserts'.
I was a little irritated at first that she had chosen to open it where I live as opposed to where she lived (50 miles away) but I went over to check it out.
It was a tiny little place but filled with hand made sweets and chocolates. Tantalising little stacks of them on glass trays behind glass counters, that seemed to be seductively begging you to try them.
I was very excited by this and thought it would be a good place for me to work since I could make sweet treats too.
My mum kept dithering over whether I could have a job and I was getting more antsy everyday, when (after a few days) I looked out my window again to see she had taken someone on! I was highly unamused by this so I stomped on over to the shop to find out just who this usurper was.
It turned out she was just some random girl who'd moved into town, seen the shop and decided she wanted to work there. My mum didn't even know her and hadn't actually given her the job, the girl had just started working! Very bizarre. And I was a bit confused as to why why mum didn't just tell her to go if she didn't want her there.
Anyhoo, I was staring longingly at the chocolates again and thinking that I could make truffles and honeycomb that would go nicely on one of those glass trays, if only I could make the girl leave, when I woke up.
I swear I was actually salivating too! Maybe my tastebuds just couldn't take it and woke me up so I'd give them something to eat. :)

Saturday, 28 November 2009


Last night's dream was terribly interesting, and possibly proof that I have been spending way too much time online.

I was in my old home town, on the estate where I grew up, sitting at a table (which doesn't exist) in the local shop doing some writing. My old friend C, whom I hadn't seen for ages, wandered in and I saw she was heavily pregnant. I invited her to sit down, we spent a few minutes having a chat and then I asked the inevitable question, 'Who's the daddy?'
I was rather surprised to say the least when she told me it was Robert Pattinson, who'd been in town a few months previous shooting a film. She told me that she was trying to track him down but couldn't get hold of him so I offered to help.
We left the shop and wandered down past the old (but still called new) flats, reminiscing about the old days when the flats were still being built.
C took me along some old alleyway that I didn't recognise but which led out into the main shopping street. I thought it was a bit peculiar that we would be looking for him in town since he obviously wasn't here anymore, so we left and C took me along another unfamiliar alley. This one led through a quarry and I thought how odd it was that I didn't recognise any of these places despite the fact that I'd lived here all my life.
When we came out of the alley we were on a strange street that I soon realised was London. (This did not seem odd to me despite the fact that hometown is 250 odd miles away from London.)
I walked into the restaurant where he was eating, (by this time I was on my own, C having disappeared without notice) and sat down to tell him why I was there. As I talked he grew more and more agitated, not because of what I was saying but because the restaurant walls were made of glass and hundreds of fangirls outside had spotted him and started screaming. Me and his manager tried to disguise him, which of course didn't work since we were doing it right in front of screaming girls, so I led everyone through a leather door in the wall.
This opened out into a boardroom so I once again stated what I was there for, saying that C didn't want anything from him, she just wanted him to know about it so that he could be involved if he wanted to.
Whilst he was digesting this, the scene changed to a cinema. I was there with RP and someone else who was faceless and nameless, to watch the film that R had shot in hometown. I had seen a trailer for it previously and got stupidly excited, pointing out all the places I knew, like where I did my paper round, where I used to play in the park, where my friends lived etc.
When we arrived at the cinema we had to fill out a form to be admitted, hand it to the manager, who then filled in a form to give back to us, which we had to give to the usher. I thought this was a bit of a longwinded way to do things.
RP and nameless companion got their forms, but the manager couldn't seem to see me until the others had already got their popcorn and were waiting.
I handed her my form but when she tried to fill in the form to give back to me, she got all confused and couldn't work out what she was supposed to write. Then she starting talking about N (another old friend) and that she would have to make me an appointment but she didn't know when he was free. I was just starting to get a bit ratty when the phone rang and woke me up.

Note to self: painkillers make for very interesting dreams!

Friday, 13 November 2009


So last night I dreamt about...something that would make a really good book. Or film. So I'm not going to tell you in case you nick it. Tee hee :)

Saturday, 17 October 2009

Escape from School.

B was trying to get out of going to school by pretending to be sick. I of course was having none of this and finally managed to get him out the door at 10am and walked him to bus stop to make sure he went.
Then, at the school, his teacher called me in and accused me of being on drugs! I stomped out indignantly, outraged at being accused and decided I wanted to leave the school without being seen. So I went along to the library and spoke to my old History teacher who told me to climb up on a particular pile of books and escape through a hole in the ceiling.
And all the time I was escaping I was thinking that they weren't real librarians because real librarians would NEVER tell me to climb on books!!

Sunday, 4 October 2009

Saturday Night Madness

Even my dream self knew Saturday's dream was a little bit strange - I pitched up at uni for a faculty meeting, to be told that they had changed the timetable. All the professors were looking rather pleased with themselves when they told us that actually, our timetables weren't really that difficult, and we wouldn't have all that much to do. Feeeling this was a little strange, I looked around the room only to see half the cast of Harry Potter there as well. Now I knew this was strange.
I walked out of the meeting, out into the dark, stormy night when a professor came running after me to tell me they had forgotten to tell me my blood type - O positive. (I have no idea whether this is really my blood type). Feeling rather non-plussed by this, I wondered why the uni would need my blood type and also thought it was amazing they had managed to get it without the use of any needles.

Segue into:

I was in one of those bits and bobs shops that sell absolutely everything, looking for a paperback copy of a Harry Potter book. The shop was doing a buy-one-get-one-free sale so I picked up a copy of some cheesy novel - after all, I wasn't technically buying it so it didn't count.
When I got home and started reading the HP, I discovered that some of the pages were missing. I was completely outraged by this and stomped off to the shop demanding a refund. The shop assistant was actually an old college lecturer of mine and the king of sarcasm and he refused to believe that there was anything wrong with the book. So I opened it up and waved it in his face to show him where the missing pages were. He finally, with much huffing and puffing, gave me a refund but then said that I owed him 5p cos of the free book and the 20% off deal. Even my dream self couldn't be doing with maths stuff, so I threw the 5p at him and stomped out.

'Nother segue:

Back home in my flat: I was flitting about doing the housework (which happens all the time obviously) when the doorbell went. B answered it and just stood there, being all stuttery like he couldn't work out what to say. I had gone into B's room and couldn't see who was at the door so I just yelled to see who it was. No answer. I walked into the living room and to my shock and horror, ex-friend K was sitting there, having pushed his way in. My first thought was horrified - I had moved since the last time I saw K, how had he found out where I lived?
Demanding to know how he knew where I lived and what he was doing there, K started shouting about wanting to know why I wouldn't speak to him anymore. I was so angry that he would dare shout at me in my own home, that I lost my temper and, shouting at the top of my lungs, told him exactly why I wasn't talking to him anymore and then threw him out the door.
Then I went on Facebook to write on my status that I would kill whoever had given him my address.
Even my dream self is addicted to Facebook!!!

Saturday, 25 July 2009

London baby!!?!?

It's been a while since I updated so here's my latest offering:

After school one afternoon I decided B and I were going to make a trip to London. We jumped on the train near home for what should have been a straightforward 2 hour journey into Waterloo. I however, for some inexplicable reason that only makes sense in dreams, decided to get off early at Chichester Street (not even a real station).
As soon as we got off I realised I'd made a mistake, it was too far to walk to reach the city so we headed for the nearest tube station. I asked for 1 adult, 1 child single to Waterloo, which the grumpy woman at the desk overcharged me for.
We headed for the platforms, with me desperately trying to read the train tickets, which didn't seem to make any sense at all. I was panicking and trying to work out which platform I needed and which train I had to catch, running up and down the platform looking for a timetable or a guard, but there was nothing.
In the end we found the train the tickets told us to be on and I settled on, still trying to work out what the tickets were saying. They said I had to change at a place called Zaminya, which I had never heard of, and all the stations names were completely unfamiliar - I felt like I was in a foreign country!
We got off at the strangely named station and once again I found myself trying to find timetables and work out where we needed to go. All the electronic announcers seemed to be saying something different and I was so confused! Eventually I found a guard who told me I had to look for the numbers on the trains - I needed number 180081 so when I saw a train with that number I should get on it. The train arrived and we boarded, happy that we had finally found the train we needed and would get to London.
When we reached our destination however, it wasn't London we were at but Cambridge! With signs showing which way people should go when they wanted to take a train to Austria!!
By this time I was tired and totally disheartened so upon seeing a guard (very quickly this time, and Cambridge was what I had been expecting all stations to be like), I asked him to put us on the next train home. B asked why we weren't going to London anymore and I explained in a tired voice that it was very late, there was no point going there now and we'd had enough adventures for the day so we were just going to go home.

I woke up thinking it would be a long time before I was comfortable catching a train again!

Sunday, 10 May 2009

Domestica disharmony

This is from Saturday night:

I was working in a large warehouse size Iceland branch with A & K from j-r; crappy job but lots of fun messing around with mates. It was a great day though as we had a live gig from Bobby Long going on (quite why BL would have been playing a gig in a shop I don't know). When he had left K gathered all the money he had made and passed it to me to count. Then, A & K finished work and I had to stay late because the manager was on holiday and I had to close the shop. I counted up all the money from the gig and saw the letter BL had left to say that K should have £30 of it for the work she had done. When I was done, I went along to join them at some place that was like a giant kids play room - lots of interactive video games, pinball machines and that kind of thing. I went to try and find K so I could give her the money, including the money that was for BL (since she was friendly with him). Then I played a few games of something that I can't even describe but halfway through a game I panicked and remembered that I hadn't locked the shop. I was running around trying to find A as she was friendly/ related to the manager, then ran back to the shop hoping that I could lock it without anyone noticing it hadn't been done. Unfortuantely I was too late; A was there and in a towering fury that I had been so lax and threatened to tell the manager. I was so scared that I was going to lose my job; then I woke up, still feeling that sense of panic!

I think my dreams are trying to tell me that I spend far to much time on the internet!

Livestock and Little Ashes

So I'm a bit late with posting this one - mostly because I am lazy and partly because I have actually had a life this week!

Ok, this one is from Thursday:

Started off with a girl I knew from secondary school who was extremely manipulative had brainwashed my son into getting rid of all his photographs. He had chucked them all into the sink (??) and I was trying to rescue them and talk some sense into him, while also trying to fit a pair of wellington boots into a pair of Uggs!
Then I was in the garage (which resembled a large outhouse/ barn) and a lorry drove up to deliver my chicken - a live chicken as I decided I wanted to keep them. I was all panicky because I hadn't learnt anything about how to keep chickens and was running around stressing saying 'but I haven't got any food for it and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing!' Weirdness. Then the dream magically changed into me sitting in a tiny pub in some little village where they were showing the premiere of 'Little Ashes'. I was happily drinking a pint and hanging out with Robert Pattinson before going to the premiere with Matthew McNulty. Then I woke up - before anything had happened. Rats!
Funny thing is that my mind was telling me that people from the message board would be cussing me for wanting to go with MM and not RP!!

Tuesday, 5 May 2009

Monday night weirdness

So, the latest:
There was a girl who was very depressed being made worse by the ‘angel’ of miserableness! (bit like the Darklighter from the episode of Charmed with Amy Adams). He was a man (naturally) who used his power to make people sad and unhappy. He couldn’t be seen by those he affected but I could see him and I knew what he was doing. I tried to cheer the girl up; telling jokes, making her laugh, showing her the baby photos of my friend's newborn and constantly telling her that it wasn’t her; it was someone else making her feel this way, trying to get her to see him. Eventually I succeeded and the ‘angel’ vanished. Then the dream segued into:
I was at school, in the sixth form but still an adult (of sorts) and I was round at somebody’s dingy flat feeling a little low. I think I had been the girl from the previous bit. I was immensely cheered up when someone told me that my car was back from the garage, mended and ready to go. Even whilst dreaming my head was telling me that this was a little odd since my beloved Clio was scrapped a couple of years ago, but dreams ignore what the head is saying and go on anyway. I jumped up and went down to go for a drive but the engine wouldn’t start. I tried and tried to get it started, getting more and more annoyed that it had only just come back from the mechanics and still wouldn’t work. Then someone told me that it needed oil, so I poured oil into where the key goes! I was surprised when it still wouldn’t start. (Duh!) I gradually began to realise that the mechanics had cheated me and the car didn’t work at all and started getting miserable again so somebody suggested we go out.
The next part of the dream was in a really dark nightclub with loads of people around waiting for the band to start. I was standing quite close to the stage and when the band came out; after the initial flash of lights had dimmed I realised that the first wail of singing was familiar because it was Wendy James band Racine on the stage! I was very excited by this but everyone else was really irritated because she wouldn’t play Transvision Vamp songs and she complained to the manager (or someone) that she wasn’t going to play any of those songs. I wasn’t bothered by this, I just thought it was exciting to have Wendy James up there and then over the din of all the people I realised she was singing Wig Wam Bam! I was a little surprised by this and that was when I woke up
Interesting – I always wake up from these dreams going, ‘huh?’

The whys and wherefores

So, since I'm always having bizarre and crazy dreams that make me, and my friends, giggle hysterically, I decided that I should write them down. For posterity y'know. Or possibly in case I need an insanity defence one day!;-)

For instance: last week I dreamed that I could fly - not so crazy maybe, except the flying in my dreams is much like doing breaststroke in the air! Anyway, I flew down to the seaside restaurant patio of some posh hotel to give a very large piece of my mind to some bloke who was hassling my sister. After he'd embarrassed himself and stomped off in a huff, I was feeling pretty pleased with myself until huge - meaning ginormous - waves came crashing over the patio. Everyone was going nutso and panicking, running in and out of the hotel, and then an enormous alien that looked kind of metallic and a bit like a huge stingray but with a really long scorpion's tail, came flying over the horizon and smashed into the top floor of the hotel! eberyone was really panicking now, running all over the hotel trying to gather their belongings and escape. I, being the cool dudette that I am, strolled calmly up to my room and only slightly perturbed that I couldn't get my handbag since it was MY room that the alien had landed in. I was just trying to work out how to get my bag without disturbing the monstrous beast (because of course I wasn't going anywhere without my purse and mobile phone) when I woke up. I think 'huh?' was the first thought of that day!

And, if you can believe it, there is the even crazier one from Friday: I was with a bunch of people from a popular message board that I visit rather too much and we were in some kind of big indoor childrens playground (that also resembled the set from the old TFI Friday show). We were all messing around on spacehoppers when a Pac-man like alien thingy came along to eat us all. The only escapee was SpongeBob Squarepants!